Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Absent but not gone...

Sometimes in this life, we have moments (days, weeks, ....) that we feel like we have nothing to offer. We are like Ezekiel's valley of dry bones... We are wandering in the wilderness, seeking the Promised Land, but finding that we are only circling around, wandering in circles, lost and alone.

This is where I have been the past week or so... sometime around the middle of Holy Week, it happened. I was going along cheerfully, trying to not let my problems overwhelm me, but at some point, I succumbed...

Easter Vigil was wonderful, as always, but I was there mostly in body; my spirit was elsewhere..
Easter morning Holy Mass was a blessing, but again I was not entirely there.

St. John of the Cross describes this wilderness journey as the Dark Night of the Soul. I know that, in part, I was under spiritual attack; in part, God was silent to my despairing cries.

I could relate to Our Lord's words from the Cross: "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

My problems are nothing in the grand scheme of things. To take a phrase from 12 step programs, 'This too will pass.."

But when you are in the smack middle of a dark night, it does not seem like it will pass; it feels that God has abandoned you utterly.

I am struggling still to walk this dark journey yet I know there is a light just ahead.

My weapons accompany me: the Holy Rosary, Confession, Eucharist. I am praying the Fifteen Prayers of St. Bridget and have found consolation in all these tools of the spiritual life.  I know that at some point I will find again the Promised Land and return to tell you all about my journeyings..

Till then, my Celtic friends....Godspeed.

1 comment:

  1. I find The Divine Mercy Chaplet to be ENORMOUSLY powerful and the recitation of The Three Hail Mary's -I just started doing. I usually fall asleep doing the Chaplet!